Amy Dickinson

Amy Dickinson Ask Amy columnist

Dear Amy: A few years ago, my husband and I traveled out of the country with some friends. They had invited other couples that joined us during the journey — some we knew, some we met. It was a very pleasant experience.

The original friends have now asked us to travel with them again. However, they have informed us that they have also invited a couple that we’ve only met once or twice, and to be honest, we can’t see spending a lengthy vacation with them.

How do we politely tell our friends that we do not want to travel with this other couple? If it causes a problem, we will gladly bow out. Traveling With Friends

Dear Traveling: You are not welcome to tell these friends that you don’t want to travel with the other couple. You are being invited to join the group, as is. You are not invited to weigh in on the structure of the group, or to express your personal preferences regarding other invitees.

It sounds as if you don’t want to accept this invitation. You can respond: “Wow, it is so nice of you to invite us this year. We really appreciate it. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to go, but we hope you have a wonderful time.”

Dear Amy: “Need Closure” is a woman who described falling in love with another woman during an overseas mission trip. Obviously, this all happened outside the bounds of her (heterosexual) marriage.

Amy, I don’t get why you affirm this sort of infidelity. Not to mention the fact that this apparently gay woman has been lying to her husband about her sexuality.

You are way too easy on people. Upset

Dear Upset: “Need Closure” did not describe being unfaithful, only having a very strong attraction and “falling in love” with this other woman. She did not act on it and the other woman was not aware of it.

Sometimes, affirming the validity of another person’s experience is the best way to inspire them to dig deep and explore their own behavior and motivations.

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